Decision Time

How do I decide? I thought I'd made a decision. I thought I was going to stay in Chicago. Then I went up to Madison for my road trip. It was so nice being outside of the city. It put me in a weird head place for a few days and I'm not completely out of that head place. I talked to a friend of mine who is in a similar position - stay or go - and honestly, she confused my head even further.
What if I am choosing to stay for the wrong reasons? What if I'm wanting to go home for the wrong reasons? This weather is not helping matters. Why would I want to stay in this miserable cold? Will it even be gone by the time I get back in Chicago in May? But I want to stay with my friends. But I want to go home to my friends.
I've got a couple job interviews this week. What if the jobs seemingly are great (which my previous job was at first) and then it all goes downhill?
What if I stay and I love it? What if I go and I regret leaving? What if  I stay and am unhappy again in a month? What if I hate living with roommates? So many what ifs.
I tried saying out loud this whole week that I'm staying. Trying it on for size. See how it feels coming out of my mouth. Initially, it felt good. It felt right. But towards the end of the week? I started to question it. Is it the right thing? Then I went to lunch in Chinatown with some friends today (I should write a blog post on that. I was so lost!) and I didn't want to leave. It's all so confusing.

No comments: