This was my patient the other day: (well...not really but it really did look like her!)
Here is how our conversation went:
(pt arrives 15 min late for a 50 minute appt)
Me: Hi, we're getting a late start so we'll get thru as much as we can. This is what we have on file for your medical history. Does this all look correct?
Crazy Lady: Oh, you've never done this before. Is it new?
Me: I just want to make sure everything is accurate and up to date.
Crazy Lady: (5 min later...) um, yes I think it's all correct.
Me: Ok. Are you still taking these medications? *point to specific part of screen*
Crazy Lady: I'm not sure.
Me: Ok, are you still taking Toprol?
Crazy Lady: What's that for? Is that the blood pressure one?
Me: I'm not sure, it's your medication. Do you still take it?
Crazy Lady: I don't know. What's Avesis? I don't know what that's for.
Me: Ok, well do you know if you still take 4 medications?
Crazy Lady: I don't know.
Me: Do you have ANY IDEA what you actually put in your body? (ok I didn't really say that but I wanted to!)
Me: I'm going to go ahead and lean your chair back. *chair reclines all the way back*
Crazy Lady: Oh, do I need to take my lipstick off?
Me: You don't have to. *glancing at clock...down to 25 minutes*
Crazy Lady: Well is it going to be smeared all over my face?
Me: I can't guarantee it won't *especially since I'd really like to smear it right about now*
Crazy Lady: Well I need to take it off then. *chair goes back up*
*15 whole minutes or so pass by without an incident*
Me: I'm going to go get Dr. X so he can do the exam.
Crazy Lady: Well he referred me to an orthodontist because I feel like this tooth is off colored and out of place. Don't stand behind me! I can't see you!
Me: The only way to fix that tooth is further ortho ma'am. I'm going to get the Dr.
Crazy Lady: But he already referred me. Doesn't this tooth look off color? When people take pictures of me I look like I'm from the hills of Kentucky with a blacked out tooth! *for the record...the tooth was MAYBE 1 shade lighter than the rest of her teeth*
Me: I'll be right back.
*20 minutes pass by for the exam (which should take less than 5) in which she asks the same questions over and over*
Dr. X: She's definitely gotten crazier since her last visit.